I’ve always kept my hair cut short, except for a few notable years in my early twenties. The
rest of the time, I either rocked that same haircut every businessman ever had or I looked
like I had just gotten out of basic training, due to an overzealous uncle who owned a barber
You guessed it – Dad, still ramrod straight after a lifetime in the Corps, would take one look
at my 8 year old hair that almost touched my neck and instruct me to “Get yourself to Uncle
Tommy’s tomorrow after school. Period.”
So there I’d be, walking the extra half mile from school to Uncle Tommy’s barber shop after
school the next day. I don’t know how my old man knew it would never rain on those days,
but as sure as I’d hope for the excuse of bad weather, the sun would come out.
For whatever reason, as I got older, I kept that same sort of schedule. Most of the guys I
ride with – like a lot of us – have “real” jobs, so they have to keep that executive look, too.
Until this year.
We’ve all got more hair on our heads than ever and we’ve all finally realized how bad
“mushroom head” can be. Because the real problem isn’t too much hair, it’s where to put it.
Or, even worse, getting your old lady to cut it.
No lie, either way, you look like a tool.
I mean, we all know that guy – the one with the long, flowing locks that pops off his lid,
shakes the mushroom out, and looks fine. The twenty-two year old chick at the bar thinks
he looks like that Jason Momoa dude from Aquaman and the rest of us look like Chia Pets.
None of us have gotten enough hair in the lockdown to get that kind of hair, and if, like
most of us, you like beanies, you know how bad it can get.
(Disclaimer, I’ve used the one of our Smallest Beanies as my skid lid for a long time, so
while I may not look like much on my best day, even without my monthly haircut, I don’t
look feral. At least not yet…)
Still, though, I don’t have mushroom head.
On the other hand, we’ve all seen that guy – lookin’ like one of the Trolls our kids played
with – when he pops his lid off at the pumps.
In a year filled with crummy images and never-before-seen problems, an overweight man
in tight black leather pumping gas into his Gold Wing with an Ace Ventura haircut and
riding goggles is NOT something any of us need to ever see.
I damned near threw up.
So far, that’s been the worst part of the whole year, including the pandemic, the social
unrest, and all the drama in the big cities, at least for me.
Here’s the bright side – if you’ve finally let go of your pride enough to admit you’ve got a
bad haircut and you might not have the best riding helmet or the smallest beanie for
keeping it under control, then post up a picture of it on the Facebook page.
Keep in mind, we’ve got the cure for that, too – right here…
And if you haven’t liked the page yet, then you’re missing out on some great images that
readers and riders have shared.
Until then, keep your tanks clean…